Disclaimer – In searching for the perfect beach destination you have found we congratulate you on finding it. However, San Padre Island – known in reality as South Padre Island – exists in a yet undiscovered dimension. Nevertheless, in seeing how you managed to find this page, here is the description of mythical and mystical land of San Padre Island.

San Padre Island Texas Vacations

Welcome to the mythical land and landing page of San Padre Island Texas where the beach sand is of the purest white – made possible thanks to sacrifice of the hundreds of thousands of unicorns who freely gave their horns to the resident gnome population whereby it is ground into the world’s finest sand – all for your barefoot prancing and selfie photo taking pleasure.

San Padre beaches are known throughout the galaxy as a place where imagined and inter-dimensional beings come here mostly to work on their tans, play beach volleyball, and – of course, just to be able to tell their friends all about how much fun they had.

(Notice: no unicorns were harmed in the making of the beaches of San Padre Island. Rest assured that of all of San Padre’s beaches are made from certified fair trade, unbleached, 100% organic unicorn horn).

3 Gnomes
relaxation in south padre island
  • Beach volleyball
  • Fishing
  • Boating
  • Moon bathing (you have to try it to know)
  • Gnome village tours (think Fraggle rock…if you can remember back that far)

Spring Break is quite a famous affair on San Padre. This holiday is marked by the return of all unicorns their annual migration from the Pleiades where they spend a good portion of every earth year acquiring transcendental knowledge concerning the fate of the universe.

They host new-age workshops nightly filled with ecstatic dance, yoga, and drum circles…just be sure to watch out for stampeding unicorns.

Unicorn Rampage

Where is San Padre Island Texas located?

Gnome Meditation

San Padre island exists exclusively in the 4th dimension. In order to get there, you must first change your vibration by either filling your heart with the purest love or by simply catching a flying taxi from Neverland. (Note: having the Peter Pan app on your phone will help with the flying taxi’s.

How far is San Padre Island from Houston?

For those skilled in the art of teleportation and/or bending of the space-time continuum, San Padre is just the blink of an eye away from Houston. For most mortals, however, it can take lifetimes of spiritual purification to get to.

If you are looking for San Padre…

We wish you the best of luck and safe travels getting there – however, if South Padre Island is your desired destination, start planning your trip today with PIRentals.com!